Updated: May 4
Welcome to part 2 of my series about making big decisions in life. And let me tell you that this was one of the hardest, scariest, and yet the BEST move I have made so far in my life.
What is it? Read on to find out.
The last 6 years I have spent in the field of IT. I did my bachelor of 4 years in Information and communication technology and then went off to work as a project manager in a software company. There is nothing wrong with doing all that. Also, yey! that I had the opportunity to go to uni and find a job while still finishing my study. I understand my privilege for getting that far and having succeeded in getting a bachelor's degree and stable employment.
But (yes, there is a but) this was not happiness for me. I was pretending to be something I am not, pretending to like something I didn't and pretend I was interested in something I wasn't. It was so embedded in me that it took me about 5 years to start noticing it and another 1 year to start doing something about it.
I had this inner irk that was trying to tell me I did not belong in the IT field. But due to environmental factors such as stability, finances, opportunities to develop in the corporate field, influence from people, I was bearing it and telling myself that there is no perfect world and perfect work. But let me tell you....imperfect doesn't mean torture, depression, and overall unhappiness.
We live in a world where everyone and everything is aiming to be fast, SMART, structured, results, and detail-oriented. This is a philosophy of kings, emperors, and conquerors. It is from times where feelings could get you killed and people could starve to death if you were soft.
Now we are in a new stage, where the iGen / Gen Z and Gen Alpha are woke about things such as mental health, physical health, the value of nature, and their relation to each other. Naturally, as this is a new era, the old one still has a powerful influence. Thus, my confusion and ideas that I need to BEAR a job because it pays well and offers security. I am a product of a generation that does not know what burn-out is, thinks trauma is only when you have your leg amputated and that if you work part-time you are not committed to your job. Work is life and you live to work and secure for the family.
This type of mentality does bring a lot of benefits, don't get me wrong. And in the past, that was the norm and people probably didn't know better. Nowadays, we have the opportunity to take care of ourselves and search for that pleasant work that will give you both monetary and spiritual benefits.
Work that gives you energy instead of sucking it out of you.
Thanks to these times and opportunities I made the decision to quit my job in the software company and pursue coaching. I started a course in the field and I am moving forward to where my heart leads. I now try to listen to what my body & intuition tell me. It doesn't always work. I still do things that do not give me pleasure because I have THE HABIT to do them. They are my comfort zone. But that will be for another post.
Also, let me tell you that I am very scared to move forward. Leaving that comfort zone, as sucky as it is, was indeed my COMFORT. I lived in it for 25 years + I was raised around such examples. But what gives me strength is the supportive people around me and the fact that I very heavily desire to go forward with this because I know that it makes me happy. It's just that it always seemed like something so distant and unreachable. Now that I have reached it my mind cannot adjust 😆. It is funny how our minds can work.
According to one psychologist, Carl Rogers, we need to let ourselves feel the whole range of emotions and experiences to truly connect with our nature. Only then, we will know ourselves and get on the path that is most suited for our gifts. I love this statement. As a person that was holding back from her true emotions and wanted experiences, this philosophy speaks very strongly to me.