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Tips for having a successful first date and then more - by a nervous, people-pleaser

The first dates are very exciting and full of emotions and nerves. For some of us that can be extremely overwhelming, which can cause us to overlook our feelings and experience during the date. It becomes even more difficult to stay true to yourself and the criteria you have for your date If you are also a people-pleaser and want the other person to like you.

So from one overwhelmed people-pleaser to another, here are some tips on how to stay grounded and true to yourself on a first date (and then more):

  1. Take a breath - when we are overwhelmed we often forget to breathe. And because it is such a natural habit we don’t notice when we do it and when we don’t. Taking some conscious deep breaths can help your body to relax, and your muscles to loosen which will result in you getting relaxed. Then once you are in that state you regain yourself.

  2. Pay attention to your intuition - in such new experiences your gut is your friend. Our mind and body often know what is good for us and they let us know one way or another. Look out for what your intuition is telling you about your date.

  3. Take your time - this can look different for anyone. What I mean by taking your time is to make space for some reflection, while considering how you feel and what your intuition tells you about the other person. I wrote more about this in my post How to find love.

  4. Keep your criteria in mind - in my post How to find love I talk about the importance of being clear about what you want in a partner and a relationship. It is important to communicate that in the beginning so that nobody’s time is wasted. Keeping this in mind can also help you stay grounded when feeling overwhelmed and struggling with people-pleasing.

  5. Have fun - going on a first date is a beautiful and exciting moment. Can be extremely stressful as we try to be on our best behavior and looks but remember that this is not a meeting. Your date will see you in many different states and forms if you will spend more time together. And if you don’t, then you have shown who you are and that is the best you can do. So with this in mind, have fun on your date! Make a joke, be goofy, and show them your awesomeness. And if they don’t appreciate it, then you know that is not the right match for you.

  6. Be curious, listen, and be vulnerable - sometimes when we feel overwhelmed we can either close or open up too much. So it is important to be curious about your date and ask them open-ended questions about their life, personality, and experiences. Listen to their answers and share some of your own stories. It’s ok to be vulnerable because that is how true connections are built and how you stay true to yourself.

Remember, a successful date is a two-way street, so it's important to give your date the opportunity to express themselves and pay attention to your experience. And if you need some support in preparing for your first date or relationships in general, I am here to help you out.

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